November 5th, 2006

 Well, it's been quite awhile since I've updated our site.  BUSY BUSY BUSY.  We are all trying to adjust to work and dialysis.  It's been hard...Johnson and I are shifting responsibilities because he is hooked up every night at 8:30PM - 9:00PM.  Then if he's at all late that means our mornings are more rushed too.  Not much time together like before.  We are both off to work, then rush home to get the girls, quickly cook supper, then homework, baths, prepare lunches for the next day, then the kids are down at 8:00PM and Johnson follows right after that.  I miss him in the evenings.  I miss him period.

We went to Toronto last weekend for a 50th Wedding Anniversary Party.  We had a great time, but there was so much preparation to just do one overnight trip at a hotel.

Our checklist grew substantially with all of the dialysis equipment we had to take with us. 

The drive down was great, and we were all excited to get there and have a really good time. 

I was up late many nights in preparation sewing skirts for the girls to wear with their old tops.  You see this was an indian party, and all us girls just love to wear the traditional gear!  Many nights I was up until 1:00AM sewing, but it was worth it...the girls looked great!

It was nice to see everyone, and we had a fantastic time.  What was weird... was the next day when we wanted to go visit everyone... then realizing that it was hard to plan on what to eat, as well as the fact that we had no choice but to be home by 8:00PM in order for Johnson to get hooked up for the night so he'd be able to connect for nine hours and still get to work on time. 

It was a busy week. Everyday I got a call at work that the girls weren't feeling well, and that I should come to get them.  I'm not sure if the girls were tired... or are have difficulties accepting our new home life and cannot articulate it to us.  We try to talk to them, but who really knows with kids.

The other day as Dad and Taylor were getting ready for school, she asked him...  "Dad...are you going to have that tube in your tummy in Hawaii?", and DAD said YES.  Then Taylor thought about it more, and said "I don't like it!" So there you have it...straight from the children's mouths!  She doesn't like it, and neither do I.  I HATE IT!  I HATE the machine.  I know it keeps Johnson alive, but I don't like it one bit.  I miss my husband, I hate that he has to hook up for 9 hours every night, kinda puts a damper on many things.  I hate if he's late hooking up, I hate that it means I have to work harder each morning, I just hate it.  It's hard on the both of us. 

Just last Thursday...as I was ironing my clothes for work, I started to feel the stress...fatigue of the weekly chores etc...I was tired...I was down... I said something I really shouldn't have said.

Johnson asked me what was wrong, as he could sense I wasn't myself... then I said it.  I said "I HATE MY LIFE!"  with a sad sigh.  He hugged me and said SORRY. 

I don't hate my life, I just hate our situation!  It's hard.  I told him I can't wait to give him a kidney, so he can get off that stupid machine!  Then I will have myself a nice little rest in bed, catch up on some quality TV time and much needed sleep.  HA HA!  But really this is truly how I feel.  Later in the day...as I was telling everyone how awful I was feeling, I then received a HUG in the form of a dozen roses sent to my desk from Johnson, just saying he was thinking of me!  WHAT AN AMAZING MAN!  But the best part of the flowers were that when I called to thank him, he said he really meant to send them the day before.  So he wanted to send them to me even when I was having a great day and not just a bad one.

Halloween was FUN.  I dressed up like a fool housewife, cold cream on face, robe and fuzzy slippers, curlers in my hair...  Dad was telling the girls I was going to be a BEAUTIFUL princess!!! They awaited eagerly for me to come downstairs. They closed their eyes, and when they opened them they saw me.  Ewe was all they could say.  They really didn't get the concept that mom would want to be ugly and not a pretty princess for Halloween.

It was FUN to take them to school, I certainly was the talk of the school yard and then the girls were thinking I was funny and silly.  They even mentioned the word EMBARASSING!! What joy!

Tomorrow I should find out the results of our Tissue Type tests, and I can't wait!  I'm so nervous and excited, and really want it work out fine for us.  I will let you all know right away.